Confessions of a Twitaholic by @David

SATIRE

Are we engaging too much in Twitter? Join T.A. (Twitter’s Anonymous)

Hello:

My name is @David (A chorus of Hi @Davids is heard by the 14 people in the community hall).

I have not twittered for 7 days. Of course it is one day at a time (Smattering of applause).

It is so good to be in this Twitters Anonymous meeting, screening out Twitter, and accepting our higher power — EMAIL (Keyboard tapping is heard and Mike is asked to leave the meeting as he was caught twittering his insights at T.A.).

It started innocently, just the occasional tweet here and there. In the early days I had no idea about RT, DM, or how to get followers. But before I reached 1400 followers, it was out of hand and out of bed first thing in the morning to see if anyone had left 140 characters of personalized attention in my direct messages or talked about me @David. I was reduced to twittering about eating a radish and seeing a bird tweeting on my lawn.

My attention span was reduced to 140 characters minus the occasional RT or @Bob.

My life had lost meaning or any semblance of a thought over 140 characters. I hit rock bottom or the bottom of the cereal bowl with no Alphabets left and just some empty looking milk —You could say I had lost my character (a muffled chuckle is heard).

Thank you T.A. You are my type now that I no longer feel compelled to type out joyful tiny-urls to quotations from Gandhi or Mother Teresa.

I know I’ve gone way over 140 characters (cheers from the 13 people left in the community hall) telling my story at our meeting so thanks for listening. If anyone wants to RT me that would be okay and you can DM me at the coffee machine.

Thanks for listening and not letting a screen come between us.

@David